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The enemy called time

I'm sitting here at 12:08am writing this trying not to stare at my now 6 month old baby girl. 6 MONTHS! Half a year! Already. WHY!? Why can't me and bittersweet old time just be friends? I swear since I've started having kids that suddenly everything is in super, turbo speed and life is a smearing blur. I want to remember every little moment of their little lives. I try to remember that when I'm losing my

shit with my 3 and 5 year old. I feel like no matter how long my days seem (those "trying" days) that they're still not long enough. There's so much to be done everyday that even though I'm home with them ALL DAY EVERYDAY, that I'm

still not able to spend enough time with them. There's just always something else that needs to be done. I feel guilty even looking at those typed words..."something else needs"...BLAH! Damn this parenting thing is so hard! Never in my wildest dreams growing up, or even grown up pre kids for that matter, did I realize what my parents went through! So easy to let your mind and ego beat you up for what you feel are your short comings in parenthood. I try to remind myself that they don't view things the way that I do and that their memories are constantly being made and replaced by new ones. I can't pick and choose what I want to insert into their mental memory box but they will remember my general attitude. I feel like right now that could use a good bit of tweaking. I know I'm edgy and short tempered with them and my 5 year old informed me today that I "don't play anything anymore." In other words I basically suck. Although of course I do play things with them, just obviously not enough to make to the memory box lol. So I made it a point to sit and watch one color tonight and dote on what an awesome colorer he is and play at least 20 rounds of tic tac toe with the other. I know it's not mom of the year worthy but hopefully it'll at least be a happy memory even if just for a little while. I'm figuring out that this parenting gig is going to be a constant learning experience just like everything else in life is. And no matter how many kids I have I still won't do everything thing right. Live, love, learn....