Worried Mom....that's what I should've named this blog. I'm convinced my amount of constant worrying about my kids or my health (ie me leaving this earth and my kids) is beyond not normal. Everyday, my mind is constantly effing me with near panic of "what ifs?" I am an anxious person in general and worry with every little thing with my kids like a typical, high strung parent would, but the intensity my anxiety gets to post having a baby is ridiculous and I'm at a loss at what to do about it! It happened after the births of both of my boys too and only seems to have gotten worse since having my baby girl. It did let up and settle after about a year or so after the boys and I'm hoping it relaxes some soon. Baby girl is getting close to 8 months now and it's currently the worst ever. I'm exhausted. I know it's useless and a terrible waste but I can't seem to gain control of it. Praying does help and I've stated in other post that I need to do more of that for other issues too. I usually call my sister and have her try and talk me down and tell me how outlandish I sound. I did attempt to start reading a helpful book to distract my thoughts but uh, I have 3 kids! Oh yes, and I bake...not exactly a healthy antidote. Tasty yes, healthy no (insert sad face.)
My cousin, she also has an infant right now, sent me an article from fb the other day talking about postpartum anxiety. We've all heard of postpartum depression and how serious it can be but I've never heard of the anxiety aspect of it. I have no doubt in my mind that I for sure have this. Of course I could reach out to my dr and I'm sure there's something I can take medicine wise to take the edge off, but I breast feed and I would just freak myself out with wondering what of the drug would be getting passed through my milk and to my baby. I could sometimes swear that I just look for stuff to worry over. I find myself randomly hearing the main chorus to Patsy Cline's song "Crazy" playing in my head daily. I think I'm trying to tell myself something, ha!
I've come to the conclusion that ALL of this ridiculous worrying is incredibly selfish and I have to figure out how to end it. It's distracting me from enjoying my kids being kids and stealing moments that I'll never get back. It makes me edgy and short tempered which is not at all how I want to be with them, nor how I want them to remember me being when they're grown and think about their childhood. I know this is going to be a conscious effort and take some time to work on, but I think recognizing that it is an issue is the beginning to hopefully correcting it. My plan is to pray for peace, strength, and guidance daily, and to call myself out when I know that my mind is running away with me. Exercising has helped me in the past so I plan to incorporate a daily routine of something physical as well. Maybe I can replace the baking with exercising! I will post on my progress in a few weeks but until then if any of you have ever dealt with anything remotely similar, please feel free to drop me a comment or an email and let me know how you handled it and how you're doing now!